Today I thought of you and had that old familiar feeling, the one where you and I and our moment was all that mattered, where that brief time I had with you was heaven and you were my everything.
When I thought of that moment I thought…
What if?
What if you had stayed?
What if you had been with me?
What if I had been blessed enough to go through life with you?
What if?
What would you look like?
Would you have my eyes, as your brother does, or would you have had your father’s eyes?
I wonder what your hair would have been like, blonde or dark?
I wonder if you’d have had his dimple, his smile, or would He have given you mine?
I wonder what your scent would have been first thing in the morning when I picked you up, or what it would have been like to hold you when you cried?
I know that there is no point to this train of thought but I just wanted to let you know I have not forgotten you, that your memory lives on in my heart.
That there is not a day that passes that I don’t think of you, hear your heartbeat, or wish it had been different.
My baby girl, my sweet, sweet girl…Mommy loves you.
I know you are with Jesus now, that He is looking after you and I am at peace with that.
I love you and wish you could have met your brother and the rest of our crazy clan. Look down on us baby girl, and ask Jesus to be with us everyday – as you are in my heart.
I love you and wait patiently for the day that Father brings us together and I can finally hold you in my arms.
All my love,
Mommy.
